Resilience: Why Some Cope and Others Crumble
When something goes wrong, do you tend to take it in stride or fall apart?
If you’re one of the first group, then you probably posses what is known as resilience, the ability to adapt well to stress, adversity, trauma or tragedy.
According to Paul Godeaux, MS, LPC, LMFT, therapist with Samaritan Counseling Center, having resilience means that, overall, you remain calm, stable and are able to function fairly normally on psychological and physical levels even when faced with disruption or chaos in your life. “People with resilience are able to harness inner strengths and rebound more quickly from a crisis or challenge, whether it's a career setback, an illness, a relationship crisis or even the death of a loved one.”
When faced with adversity, resilient people are able to continue with daily tasks, remain generally optimistic about life and recover a normal frame of mind more quickly. "People who are more resilient have the ability to say to themselves, ‘Okay, this bad thing happened, and I can either dwell on it and do nothing, or I can take action, learn from it and get back on track,’” explains Godeaux.
Resilience isn't about toughing it out, and it doesn't mean you ignore feelings of sadness over a loss. Being resilient doesn't mean that you're emotionally distant, cold or unfeeling, nor does it mean that you always have to be strong and that you can't ask others for support. In fact, Godeaux says being willing to connect with others who are supportive is a key component of being resilient.
In contrast, he says people who are less resilient are more likely to become immobilized when an unexpected problem arises. “These are the people who just can’t seem to handle any type of stress or adversity. They are more likely to dwell on problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed and/or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse. They are also more likely to develop mental health problems such as depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder as a result.”
Why are some people more resilient than others? Godeaux says a combination of factors come into play when it comes to this aspect of personality. “The temperament you are born with is a factor as is the type of coping skills you see in adults around you as you are growing up. The coping skills we end up with are usually a combination of our personality and learned behavior.”
If you recognize that you aren’t resilient, he says this is something you can work on changing. “You can learn new coping skills and become able to respond more positively and productively to adversity. A big part of it is changing your outlook: how you view the world and your role in it.”
Godeaux uses the example of the hurricanes of 2005. “This situation was – and still is for some – a major trauma. Lives were disrupted in ways many had never imagined possible. Looking at the big picture of all that had been lost, and the long road to recovery, was definitely overwhelming and immobilizing to many. But those people who recognized that some things were out of their immediate control, and instead focused on the things they could do something about came through the ordeal much with much less emotional trauma. That’s another key to resiliency: instead of thinking ‘Oh, no, what am I going to do?” think ‘What can I do right now to make things better?’ and ‘What am I thankful for?’”
Godeaux says it’s important to understand that having resilience doesn’t make an individual’s problems go away, but it can give you the ability to see past them, find some enjoyment in life and handle future stressors better. “Resilience will help you survive challenges and even thrive when faced with adversity.”
Samaritan Counseling Center provides counseling services on a sliding scale fee. For more information call 433-4357 or visit www.samaritanswla.org.
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