Beat the Back-to-School Blues
As kids return to school, parents brace themselves for the inevitable groans and complaints about earlier bedtime, school uniforms and homework. But for some kids, the return to the classroom triggers real feelings of stress and anxiety.
“Going back to school can be a very exciting time for children, or it can be a time of great anxiety, apprehension and uncertainty,” says Michelle Trenton, MS, LPC, LMFT, therapist with Samaritan Counseling Center. “With any change that we experience in our lives, natural emotions such as anxiety can emerge. For children, this becomes more pronounced because every year they have this new experience of returning to school or starting at a new school.”
She says parents sometimes minimize how stressful the return to school can be for kids. “Imagine yourself in this scenario: You've been away from your job for over two months, and now you have to go back to work full-time after weeks of relaxing and doing whatever you wanted to do. And, you have new supervisors, new co-workers, a new office and a full list of new assignments. That would be stressful for anyone, and that’s basically what kids face at the start of a new school year.”
Trenton says anxiety over making new friends, being in a new school, facing bullies, feeling “uncool” or coping with academic pressure can make even a well-adjusted child anxious. These issues are even more common in younger children, particular those starting school for the first time or those entering a new school. “It’s also important for parents to express both empathy and confidence. Make it clear you understand that going back to school can be scary, but show that you are confident your child will do okay. Kids pick up anxiety from parents, so if you’re anxious, they probably will be too.”
Trenton says kids are typically very resilient, and once school is underway, most kids will adapt to the new situation. However, some children may exhibit signs of anxiety over a longer period. “That anxiety or fear can build up in a child’s mind, leading them to act on it in many ways — from tummy aches and sleep problems to out-and-out refusal to go to school.”
Most kids can overcome their fears with the help of a parent, she says. “Kids need to know there's a stable place for them to talk about all the stresses that they've had. Research shows that there are certain times of day the drive to school, dinner time, or just before going to bed when children tend to open up. Kids whose parents are consistently around at one or more of those times tend to function better. Kids who can't count on those consistent connections don't do as well.”
Of course, kids won't always want or need to talk. But Trenton says having a meal together creates that opportunity. And busy parents don't have to be available every moment of day: Even establishing just one consistent, scheduled time for potential conversation can have remarkable benefits.
For children who show signs of anxiety over a longer period, or intense fears, Trenton says parents shouldn’t hesitate to seek professional help. Experts estimate that as many as 5 percent of children have some type of prolonged “school refusal.” School anxiety may also have its roots in other situations, such as stressful home events, learning problems or bullying, that need prompt attention. And serious untreated anxiety in childhood can put a child at risk for problems later in life.”
If kids and parents don’t deal with the anxiety and its causes, Trenton says it can get out of control very easily. “A vicious cycle develops, where a child will feel anxious about going to school, the parent will feel badly for the child and allow them to stay home. The next day, it becomes even more difficult for that child to go to school.” So, no matter what, parents shouldn’t let anxiety keep kids away from school, she says. Talk to school counselors and teachers, and mental health professionals if need be, to figure out what might be done. And most important of all, work hard to talk openly with your child about what’s worrying them, and how they might deal with it.”
Samaritan Counseling Center provides counseling services on a sliding scale fee. For more information call 433-4357 or visit www.samaritanswla.org.
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